Let’s face it, I have been very absent from the blogging scene as of late. Although I continue to eat, create food in my kitchen, and explore all culinary delights I have been left feeling a little lost.

Fair warning, I am going to get personal and share about who I am, so if that isn’t your cup of tea then feel free to not read any further.

My sense of loss is bigger than blogging at this point in my life. I suppose you could say I am going through a bit of retooling. I have moved back to the small town where I grew up, bought a house, bought a truck, and refocused on those little things that are important to me. Like most of us, I am prone to the foils of society and being a human. For a long time I have struggled with myself confience, value, fit in the world, finding my direction in life, and understanding who I am. Unfortunately that gets in my way sometimes and my progress is slowed or even stymied. Truthfully, I am not always the best about pushing through and the effects seem to take me backwards rather than forward. I have been devoid of my usual humor, energy, and joy. It has impacted a lot of my life and I have lost touch with those things that bring me joy.

In fact, my desire to cook and spend time in the kitchen has been reduced to almost nothing. I have only had a handful of moments where I feel like I am connected to the idea of cooking and the joy it can bring. Instead, there has been a lot of reflection both good and bad, work to identify those things that I want to change, and how to make those things happen. It is a slow process and isn’t happening overnight by any account. Once again I was confronted by the thought that maybe this blog wasn’t really what I hoped it would be or what kind of an impact I hoped it would have.  Maybe my passion and vision of what I was sharing was totally missing or misguided. You might be wondering what changed, right? A few days ago, I decided to check my blog stats and delete the seemingly endless number of  messages that were spam. At that moment, something caught my eye. I hadn’t posted any new content in a few months, but my blog was still being viewed. It was only two views, but those two views felt like they were sending me an important message. A message that said, despite what you think you may be making an impact and not even know it. I was suddenly aware that I wasn’t going to ever give up on blogging. In fact, my goal is to have Patrick’s Table be marketable enough that perhaps I inspire others to follow their passion. When I started this journey I had people both in my circle and those I could only connect with electronically that inspired me and gave me hope that maybe I could do this. We all deserve a chance and the opportunity to have what we want in life.

Am I back in full force? No. Am I giving up? No way! You guys are getting rid of me that easily. I have done the most important thing. I have taken the first step to help me find my way back. I am writing, honoring the goal of this blog, and staying true to that vision. I knew from the beginning that I would always be me and I would share my successes and failures just the same. I would share both the good and bad about who I am and that would never change. I would potentially share my feelings with complete strangers or people that I have grown to become friends with and love. And despite all that being relatively public, I would be okay with that. Because at the end of the day, I would be representing me.

in this moment I am taking a step in the right direction. One step at a time. I look forward to sharing more cooking and food adventures for a long time to come. I also look forward to finding my way on my own personal journey, whatever that may be.